FAQ about boys

Do strangers gleefully tell you that you look like you have your hands full? Many times a day?

Those commentators tend to be sympathetic, often an elderly couple that did time with a gaggle of boys back in the day; now, they’re just giddy about the chance to see two cute little males that they’ll never have to feed or wipe.

But then, there are the nagging questions you get from the girls’ moms:

“They spit? Why do they spit?”
“Just tell him no. Have you tried telling him no?”

And sometimes, the queries come from people who have no recollection of ever having been younger than 34.

“Why are they jumping on the couch?”
“Why are the jumping on the bed?”
“Why are they jumping on the table?”

“Why are they jumping?”

Why, I don’t know. Why aren’t they drinking tea and eating biscotti and discussing kindergarten options? I’ll get right on that.

And, again, my personal favorite: “Have you tried telling him no?”

Why, thank you. It never occurred to me to say no. I’ll remember to give that a shot today — for the 50 thousandth time.

You see, most girls’ moms have never actually been trapped in a sedan with two children having a shrieking, spitting and kicking contest while throwing toy cars and sitting on food. They’re on the slow track, while you’re in the AP/Honors program; YOU have the challenging course load. They just don’t know it yet.

But it’s OK. Don’t feel bad. After all, they do get to buy those cute, tiny Mary Janes to make up for it.

–Jillian O’Connor