The ultimate gentle parenting

Spanking, using a switch and locking your kid under the stairs are now kind of out of favor, so what I think we oh-so-gentle parents need are a few good bogey-men.

Yelling has been labeled the new spanking in recent years, according to various mom blogs and this old article in The New York Times:

But I for one would love to see a reintroduction of witches braising twins and trolls who devour errant orphans and small yapping dogs.

From a quick perusal of Wikipedia, I see there are all kinds of goodies we could be using — no violence, no yelling! “Get in the car, or some guy’s coming to put you in a sack!” “Better stay in the shallow end, or the demons might bite.” The possibilities are endless.

No more chasing a toddler through a crowded sedan as he giggles in delight. “Younger, sit down now, or Baba Yaga might eat you for dinner, you naughty baby!”

Sure, they might be permanently traumatized, but isn’t the real upside that there’s no yelling?

I’d certainly feel like a much better parent if I never raised my voice, and much less like Satan’s going to come get me in fifty-odd years.

And don’t we owe it to ourselves as a culture to keep this ancient trend alive, terrifying children and taming lunatic toddlers?

Just use your words. It works beautifully, as long as you add the odd hobgoblin now and then. –Jillian O’Connor