Enfant terrible sounds so much classier

When your toddler starts screaming “Bad baby!” at you in the middle of a restaurant, you’ve pretty much lost your chance of appearing to be a good human.

Where did he get such a phrase? “Yes, of course, we call him our adorable two-year-old ‘bad baby!’ all the time, officer, and then we take him out to the woodshed.”

Doesn’t everyone?

My theory is he got it from The Elder, who came up with that label to yell at The Younger through some combination of “Caillou,” the whiny Canadian cartoon bald kid who likes to chastise his pet with “You bad cat!” And the streets. Which in our case, really would be one of those criminal hotbeds known as marginally expensive play-based preschools.

We’ve also been treated to our lovely little two-year-old telling a first-grader, “I’ll kill you!” Some part of me did expect that he’d be out of diapers before he started threatening to rub people out, but to each his own. Everyone poops, and it seems, everyone shoots to kill, too.–Jillian O’Connor