It’s not a satisfying bunny without the carnage

I love Easter candy, and have many opinions on it.

Peeps should not be purple or green. Yellow and pink are enough.

Cadbury Eggs should come in one flavor: Creme. Orange and caramel are atrocities that need to go back to the meadow, or wherever the hell that clucking bunny metaphorically comes from.

And, finally, chocolate ears need to be attached to a chocolate bunny. Some weirdos are now selling the ears without the body. Sacrilege.

We do not engage in eating a la carte bunny body parts. That would be for sickos. Of course, I think it’s only a real rabbit-eating experience if you snap the ears off a bunny — hollow or solid — with your bared teeth.

There is no satisfaction in rending ears from a mammal if they’re just handed to you, packed all on their own.  That’s cheating. You need to work for for your bunny. And working means painstakingly ripping it apart, even leaving tooth marks as clues that could lead a grand jury investigation to your house. Working, really working  to open up the head and experience the final satisfaction of finishing off a whole rabbit’s head.

But like I said, the real sickos are those people eating bunny ears all on their own.--Jillian O’Connor